When I was 8, my father took me to my first New England Patriots game. It was the opening game of the 1981 season, and it was on one of those bus trips you see at every game. I was four days from my ninth birthday and, aside from the bus driver, was probably the most sober person on the trip. The Patriots lost to the Baltimore Colts, 29-28. New England went 2-14 that season, one of the worst in franchise history, but it didn’t matter. I was hooked.

Until 2001, the gift of Patriots fandom bestowed upon me by my father was a gag gift, like giving somebody a whoopie cushion or a can of nuts that are really spring-loaded rubber snakes. The Patriots were so inept they refused to allow themselves to be taken seriously. Still, my dad bought season tickets in the mid-1980s and we trudged a couple hundred miles to Foxborough eight Sundays every fall to soak in the Patriots experience.

We all know that the last 15 years have been much, much better.

With that in mind, today I cede this space to my dad, John Lazarczyk, to tell us how he would improve the New England Patriots. Admittedly, the Pats need minor tweaks here and there, not wholesale changes.

“First, I would work on firing the commissioner,” Dad said.

Playing the hits already. I like it. However, when it comes to the current state of PSI: Foxborough, Dad has an opinion most Patriots fans do not share.

“I think (Tom) Brady should take the four games and get it over with. I still think Brady is innocent, but the Supreme Court and Court of Appeals have better things to do than listen to this B.S.,” Dad said. “It’s four games. Hopefully they can win two out of four, maybe three. Jimmy Garoppolo has looked good in practice. I know it’s with no defensive backs, but I think they’ve got some better receivers this year.”

Whether it’s Brady, Garoppolo, or a rejuvenated Steve Grogan under center for the Patriots this season, the Patriots need to make sure the offensive line is an upgrade from last season, Dad said. The return of left tackle Nate Solder should help, he said, along with the return of offensive line coach Dante Scarnecchia, who is back after two years of retirement.

“They’ve got some pretty good young linemen,” Dad said. “Dante’s back and he’ll coach them up.”

Defensively, the Patriots are in good shape, Dad said. The big thing is figuring out which good young players are going to get paid, and which are going to be lost to free agency, or traded, like Chandler Jones was in March.

I asked Dad, of the three key players who will need new contracts soon — cornerback Malcolm Butler and linebackers Dont’a Hightower and Jamie Collins — who do you sign to an extension?

“If I had to let one of them go, it would probably be Hightower. I don’t think they can pay all three of them.”

Did Butler show enough last season to prove his career isn’t going to be limited to the biggest interception in Super Bowl history? Dad thinks so.

“You keep Butler. You don’t find defensive backs like that often. Hightower is a good run stuffer, but Collins does a little more. I’d like to keep them all, but sometimes you can’t. Collins is younger than Hightower, too, right?”

Actually, Collins is approximately five months older than Hightower, but the point regarding versatility is well made.

That’s it. The Patriots don’t need a major overhaul to remain one of the best teams in the NFL. Training camp opens in late July. Dad will be ready for football.

Thank you, Dad, for introducing me to this team all those years ago. All the awful years were worth it, because they contain great memories.

Happy Father’s Day, everyone.

Travis Lazarczyk — 861-9242

tlazarczyk@centralmaine.com

Twitter: @TLazarczykMTM

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