You know those annoying helicopter parents with their non-stop hovering? I’m a proud card-carrying member.
Ever seen Bento box lunches packed with panda and tiger rice balls? I used to make them. Think Friday-night-game-night is something only on “The Brady Bunch”? It’s a Koch Family staple. As someone who struggled with infertility, I know how lucky I am to have two children and I haven’t wanted to miss a second.
But as I prepared to drop my eldest son off for his first year in college a few weeks ago, I couldn’t wait to get him out of the house.
Time for me to cut the apron strings. Time for him to fly the coop. I was ready to push him out of the nest. My friends told me I’d feel differently when my house was emptier. I was skeptical. Frankly, I was gleeful about the possibility of leftovers making a reappearance in my refrigerator.
The four Kochs planned to drive halfway across the country together, but life had other plans. Two days before our departure, one of our cats started limping. My husband volunteered to stay behind and care for him.
With our cat in good hands, my son packed his things into our car. His Midwestern college is a long way from Maine. This time granted me the privilege of witnessing the exceptional connection between my two sons. For three days my youngest (aka “Little Big Brother,” because he’s a giant) teased his older brother without restraint, like a knight pursuing a mission of a laughter crusade. Aware that time was no longer boundless, Big Brother handled the teasing in a manner befitting his imminent journey to college.
I appointed Big Brother as the navigator. While I valued the advance notice, I was beginning to have reservations about his notifications. “In 73 miles, you’re going to be taking a right turn.” But it dawned on me that I had both my children captive in the vehicle. This time presented the ideal moment to share my final nuggets of wisdom for kids heading to college.
Here are my top 10:
- Do your homework. I want you to make friends and have a good time, but remember you chose to go to college to learn and either get a job or continue your education afterward. You can’t do that if you don’t learn. Homework is part of it.
- Sleep is your friend. Get as much as possible. Quality work after 2 a.m. is improbable, and your physical well-being will suffer too.
- “Find your people” is a great place to look for friends. But it can prevent you from discovering new facets of your identity and from connecting with truly amazing individuals. Try to meet people who don’t look like you and have diverse perspectives.
- Step out of your comfort zone. Take a subject completely foreign to you. Go to an event you might ordinarily not go to. Try new things!
- Go to your professors’ office hours in the first two weeks of classes. Introduce yourself and chat. They’ll love it and you’ll get to know them as people. It will make for a better classroom experience, and you’ll be more likely to reach out to them for help if you need it.
- Everyone gets homesick. It’s totally normal. It will happen at some point; you’ll be ok. It’s worse if you’re tired. See #2.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You can always call home or text but remember there are people on campus who can help you. Try them first.
- Set boundaries and communicate. It’s good to have convictions. People can’t know how to make space for you if you don’t communicate. Remember to share your convictions in ways that don’t place judgment on others.
- Phone home. I’m done hovering. I won’t call or text often. I will always want to hear from you. Check in at least once a week, so I know you’re OK.
- Don’t worry about me. If I cry, it’s not because I don’t want to let you go. It’s because I love you so much and this moment is so extraordinary. I am so proud of you and excited for the adventures ahead. My tears will be happy tears.
We made it safely to his college and I felt like I was losing a piece of my heart as I kissed him goodbye. Since I returned, he’s called regularly and he’s happy. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
On the other hand, Little Big Brother was navigator on the return trip. I took three wrong turns. We’re still debating who was at fault. I have one more year before it’s his turn to tell me, “In 73 miles you’ll be taking a right turn.”
I plan to embrace every minute.
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