The massacre of children, the elderly, of civilians taken hostage from the safety of their homes in Israel by the terrorist group Hamas revealed a brutality so vile that my brain can’t make sense of it.

As people have shared their stories, my sadness has deepened. A 72-year-old woman was taken hostage after witnessing the murder of her husband. A father recorded a phone call with his teenage daughter as she was shot and then taken hostage along with her brother. Another father waited for two days to hear any news after his 8-year-old daughter had been kidnapped. He shouted in praise when he learned she had been killed because he knew her swift “death was a blessing,” as he thought about what she could have faced as a hostage in Gaza.

Throughout this tragedy, two images have haunted me. One is a kidnapped 17-year-old boy; he reminds me of my own son. The other is that of a nameless baby: an empty crib, strewn with toys, riddled with bullet holes, and covered in blood. With a sippy cup on the bloody mattress.

These stories just scratch the surface of the violence and the depravity of Hamas on Oct. 7, the deadliest day for Jewish people since the Holocaust. More than 1,300 Israelis were killed, including Americans, and roughly 200 people were taken hostage. In a country of little more than 9 million, it’s as if 40,000 Americans had been killed, an attack roughly 14 times that of 9/11.

I’ve wondered how anyone could continue their routine of daily life after witnessing such unimaginable evil. Israel was intended to be a land of safety for all Jews, and it has become the staging area for yet another pogrom.

How can anyone dispute Israel’s right to defend itself following such an attack?

A question that seems so basic is in reality so complex. Israel insists it will not stop until the hostages are returned and Hamas eradicated. On the heels of the terrorist attack, it’s not difficult to see how many Americans voiced support for Israel.

But we all noticed an uneasiness as soon as Israel shut off water, fuel, and electricity to Gaza. Eventually, 1.1 million civilians were ordered to evacuate northern Gaza, they have no access to water or medicine, and the crossing at Rafah into Egypt is still closed. Gaza has been bombarded with countless airstrikes and some areas outside of the evacuation zones have already been hit. Humanitarian aid remains halted at the border. By attacking civilians, Hamas violated international law — and now Israel is accused of breaking international law as well.

Some have noted that when Russia cut off water and electricity in Ukraine, the world was outraged. And Gaza? Innocent civilians have been killed too. Do Arab lives matter less? Are all Palestinians in Gaza guilty by association? Are they unfortunate casualties of war? Are the lives of the elderly and the babies in Gaza worth less? Can we make a moral equivalence between lives lost in Israel and Gaza? Are we allowed to even ask such questions?

War is ugly. Innocent lives are lost.

But can’t we agree all that babies should be able to sleep peacefully in their cribs, that grandparents should be able to drink in the giggles of their grandchildren, and that dancing teenagers and young adults should always be a cause for celebration, not mourning?

We cannot absolve Hamas from their heinous attacks. We must make room for a human response to Oct. 7, we also must strive for a balanced one. Our position is critical. Misinformation and disinformation spread easily. And for most of us, it is difficult to separate facts from lies. The consequences can be even more suffering. The State Department has warned Americans worldwide to “exercise increased caution” due to “increased tensions” in response to the Israel-Hamas war. We now have these tensions at home. Last week a 6-year-old American boy was killed in an apparent anti-Muslim hate crime in Illinois. Hate won’t heal; empathy and dialogue are essential.

To support our hurting friends, maybe the best approach right now is to listen. Understanding the complexity of the Middle East is crucial. We cannot avoid discussions because we are uncomfortable with the historical context. Others know the history so well, that they display unwarranted moral superiority. At this moment, can there be any moral high ground?

The pursuit of peace and stability in the region demands not only global attention but also unity. Media outlets must do their job and present information accurately, a needed humanitarian pause could allow aid to reach those in crisis, and collective action hopefully will lead to a lasting resolution ensuring the safety of innocent civilians.

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